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A Pinch of N(u)ews: Ruling parties also merge, plus why El-Rufai’s new book is so expensive

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A Pinch of N(u)ews: Ruling parties also merge, plus why El-Rufai’s new book is so expensive

by Stanley Azuakola

Mergers galore

Last week was arguably the most politically significant week since the 2011 elections. Four opposition parties came together as one and will now bear a new name, APC. Immediately news of the opposition merger came into the open, four ruling parties took up the challenge and also came together to become one. With the two mergers, 2015 promises to be an interesting election year.

The four opposition parties which came together are the All Nigeria Peoples Party (ANPP), the Action Congress of Nigeria (ACN), the All Progressive Grand Alliance (APGA) and the Congress for Progressive Change (CPC). On the other hand, the four ruling parties which came together are the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP), the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), the Nigeria Police Force (NPF), and the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC). The ruling parties have decided that despite their commitment to their merger, they would all retain their respective names for the time being.

The meaning of APC

The main opposition parties in the country announced last week that they would now be known as the APC. In the opposition statement read by former foreign affairs minister, Tom Ikimi, they said that the APC means All Progressives Congress. However, a leaked PDP strategy memo shows that the PDP is compiling all the possible other meanings which the APC can take. According to the PDP, they are doing that so whenever the APC “tries to abuse them by calling them Papa Deceiving Pikin (PDP) or Poverty Development Party (PDP)”, they too would have names to fire back with.

Some of the names which the PDP has compiled for the APC so far include: All Political Crooks, Anti PDP Crybabies, Association of Petulant Conmen, and Anteriorly Posteriorly Corrupt. It is unclear which of the names the PDP will stick with or if they would go with different collections for different occasions.

El-Rufai reveals why his book is expensive

In his book, The Accidental Public Servant, which he released last week, former FCT minister, Mallam Nasir El-Rufai, made a lot of revelations. But by far the most striking revelation in the book was written in the prologue when El-Rufai revealed why the book was so expensive:

“I know a lot of you would be wondering why this book is almost double the price of Achebe’s There was a country, and almost triple the price of Olusegun Adeniyi’s Power, politics and death. I will tell you. In reality what did those other books even reveal? Nothing new. But the fantastic book in your hand will reveal to you great truths you never knew. For example, did you know that Obasanjo really wanted a third term? Or that Atiku Abubakar and Olusegun Obasanjo had serious disagreements during Obasanjo’s second term? Did you even know that I was in the economic team of that administration? I bet you didn’t. This and many more truths I will reveal to you in this book. So you now see why I had to sell a copy for N9000, right?”

CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK

We all remember the (in)famous Goodluck Jonathan interview with CNN’s Christiane Amanpour. Not many were impressed with the president’s responses. At a point during that interview Jonathan made a boast. “Go and ask Nigerians on the streets about power. That is one area in which they are happy with what we’ve done,” he said (paraphrased). A lot of Nigerians did not agree with the president’s boast; a lot of Nigerians agreed with it. Then last week, as Americans watched The Super Bowl, their biggest sporting event, the power suddenly went off and the match was delayed for over half an hour. Amanpour decided to do a report showing that what Americans experienced for half an hour is normal in Nigeria. No problem with that, but how did she go about it?

She went to an Open-mic report which CNN had done in which some Nigerians were asked about the power situation in the country. That report had a few people speaking in support of the president’s claims that power had improved, while a few others said it wasn’t true. Amanpour selected the two people who were against the president’s claims, edited the others out of the footage, came on her show, aired it, and with a sarcastic tone and smirk, made it look as though the two people who constituted her doctored sample represented all Nigerians. It was an insincere piece of hatchet journalism. She wanted to do the Super Bowl story from another perspective and so conveniently buried Jonathan to do it and meet her predetermined aim. It’s easy to say: ‘That’s good for Jonathan. Always giving exclusive interviews to foreign journalists and ignoring those of us here.’ But then Amanpour shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this kind of shameful journalism. An otherwise respectable journalist, Amanpour is a bozofied clown for doing what she did. She takes the CeeCee this week.

Follow A Pinch… on twitter @stanleyazuakola

A Pinch... is the zero award winning weekly news recap column, who is consistently accused of committing satire. People used to think it was A Pinch... who said "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you." It wasn't. A Pinch... is syndicated on The Guardian and YNaija. Follow A Pinch... on twitter @stanleyazuakola.

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