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Yomi Kazeem: Matters (Are)Rising! – Catch Dokubo if you can


Yomi Kazeem: Matters (Are)Rising! – Catch Dokubo if you can

by Yomi Kazeem

Catch Dokubo If You Can

Frank Abagnale was a criminal mind like no other. His genius, utilized for defrauding banks across Europe in the 1960’s, was so adept, a movie was made based on his life. Ironically, the title ‘Catch Me If You Can’ is the same as a retort from ex-militant, Asari Dokubo.

Like Abagnale but not as smart, Dokubo has his own special set of skills. An expert at ruffling feathers and ensuring that he is the focus of attention, Dokubo was in the news this week for unsavoury statements which, in other climes, may have been considered as treason. ‘Nigeria will not know peace if Jonathan is not re-elected,’ he said. After the predictable uproar from media and political personalities, an unfazed Dokubo replied with an indignant ‘I stand by my words.’. While Dokubo claims to be the voice of the Niger-Delta, it is heart-warming to know that not all from the region share his ridiculous views.

Chief Edwin Clark says ‘there will be no crisis if Jonathan does not get elected’ but also could not resist mentioning that others, including Buhari and Ciroma, like Dokubo, had made provocative statements in the past. Good point Sir, but unlike Dokubo, neither Buhari or Ciroma said ‘Nigeria will be history if I get arrested’.

And talking about history, President Jonathan has attempted to repair the little bit of shaky history between Nigeria and South Africa. The President was in South Africa to meet with President Jacob Zuma in a bid to sign a few bilateral trade agreements and, along the lines, fix the fragile relations between both countries. One hopes the two men found time to discuss episodes of yellow cards before President Jonathan had to terminate his visit and return home to “personally” handle the Boko Haram attacks in the North. How the President intends to “personally” handle the insecurity mess remains a mystery but early odds suggest we expect a “personal” condemnation of the attacks and a “personal” vow to bring the perpetrators to book!

And in Lagos, accusations have been flying around the state as the Lagos Action Congress and PDP took potshots at each other. ‘Rapists’ is how the Lagos Action Congress have described their PDP counterparts after Lagos PDP urged the EFCC to investigate Governor Tunde Fashola’s administration. The PDP, boisterous as ever, claim that a number of financial misappropriation crimes have been committed under Fashola’s administration but the Action Congress, never one to shy from a fight, have rightly responded with a classic ‘remove the log in your eye first’ jab. But they didn’t stop there. Action Congress’ Joe Igbokwe has described the PDP’s calls as ‘pathological lies’ and accused them of somewhat sexual crimes. In his words, Igbokwe said the the PDP has “frittered away millions of naira in the past 14 years leaving Nigeria plundered, gang-raped and stripped naked”. So, people, in Wizkid’s voice: if you see a naked country drive by…

Yomi's favourite words are 'Up Nepa'- blame PHCN. He is afraid of heights but once climbed to the summit of a mountain 12, 000 feet above sea level. Away from writing, he's a soccer pundit on radio. He's also an entrepreneur with empire building dreams. The results in that regard have been mixed so far. He blames Arsenal FC for everything wrong with the world and hopes their trophy drought lasts forever.

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