by Yomi Kazeem
Who wants to be a millionaire?
In this country, who wouldn’t? We all hustle and bustle in different cities thinking of nothing but account balances, unpaid bills and prospective deals. Personally, I dream of dollar signs sometimes. Half of the country is thinking about how to make money, the other half is thinking about how to make more money but the United States government have made it all a little bit easier. No need to pretend to be a girl and attempt to scam money off an unassuming white man or to go bunkers over an oil pipeline in the South-South, all you need to do is find a certain guy who goes by the name Abubakar Shekau. Your reward? – $7 million.
The United States’ Home Department has placed bounty on a few heads in West Africa but placed the biggest on Shekau’s head. Now, whether that has anything to do with the size of Shekau’s head is a matter for another day but what we do know for sure is that this guy will be hunted and haunted. I am too lazy to go after him myself but I can give a few tips to whoever is looking for him. He has a beard, carries a gun, makes a lot of videos and likes to cause a lot of trouble. Find this person and you find $7 million.
Remember though, that when you find THAT guy, you pay 10 percent to God and 10 percent to me. You know what they say; give unto God what is God’s and unto Caesar what is Caesar’s. I may not be Caesar but one of my closest friends is Roman.
Not too far from Rome, a certain specie of homo sapiens who are exactly like us but do things we do not do are the Hungarians. Hungary expects its worst flooding in the last 50 years sometime this year and they are already at work putting simple measures like sandbags in place around rivers and water-bodies even though the floods are not here yet. Unlike us, they will not wait for houses to be flooded and TV’s be ‘swimming’ through the streets before they give pointless speeches and broadcasts. Unlike us, they are well prepared. We need to learn fast. The rains are here already and while it is impressive to hear Senator Bukola Saraki speak on how his Senate Committee on Environment and Ecology are ‘monitoring measures against flooding’, it will warm one’s heart better to see action rather than words. If states like Kogi and Kwara suffer the same flood induced disaster of last year, it is an indictment on the nation. It will simply mean that we have done what we do best: learned nothing.
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