by Stanley Azuakola
ASUU, NUPENG audition for Keshi
Nigeria’s senior national football team was recently ousted from the FIFA Confederations Cup in the first round. Despite the good showing of the team, it was clear that the major deficiency was a lack of quality and consistent strikers in the team. In an unprecedented and most patriotic move to help supply needed manpower in the national team and make Nigerians happy, ASUU and NUPENG decided to strike last week as a form of audition for Super Eagles coach, Stephen Keshi.
“It is ridiculous that a country as blessed as Nigeria would be lacking strikers when we are here. We want to show Keshi that he has a large pool of quality strikers to choose from and we would strike like this till Nigeria wins the world cup,” said Prof, Awuzie, the ASUU chairman.
Following the criticism from the FG that the unions are selfish and “striking just for gold”, implying that the strike actions were coordinated to extort more money from the government, Prof. Awuzie said, “What is wrong in striking for gold? Yes we are striking for gold. We need to emulate the Atlanta 96 team which struck gold for Nigeria at the Olympics. We want gold and by God’s grace by the end of our strike we would have struck it as.”
PDP releases anti-Tambuwal advert
The speaker of the House of Representatives has consistently been in the news in recent times, and there are speculations that the man is harbouring presidential ambitions on the platform of the opposition merger party, APC. The clearest indication of that came when a campaign advert allegedly produced by the PDP in preparation for when the speaker eventually decamps, was leaked on the internet. The advert tried to draw similarities between Tambuwal and an America show-biz couple, to prove that the speaker is just a showman.
It featured two of America’s biggest pop celebrities, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, who recently gave birth to a baby they named North West.
The advert began with a voice saying: “And a star shall rise in the North West.” And a picture was shown of Kanye and Kim with their baby North West. Using computer manipulation, the head of the baby was changed to that of Tambuwal, who is from the North West of the country.
The voice then said, “This baby was born following the union of two attention-seeking parties.” Again Kanye and Kim who are known for their attention hugging stunts, were shown in the picture with Kim holding a broom (representing A.C.N) and Kanye with a biro (representing CPC).
“They are still not married, but as usual they’re playing around and making babies,” said the voice, drawing similarities between Kanye and Kim who are unmarried and the opposition parties of the APC who are still not done with their marriage/merger but are already allegedly making babies (like Tambuwal).
“How long do you think this union will last before this happens…,” the voice said, and the video showed Kim sweeping away Kanye from the house and the baby is shown crying inconsolably like a child but with the face of Tambuwal. The voice then concluded with, “Oh, poor child, where would you run to now?”
The PDP has denied being responsible for the advert.
CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK
“A cry is heard in Ramah — deep anguish and bitter weeping. Rachel weeps for her children, refusing to be comforted — for her children are no more.”
A Pinch… imagines that the above quote from the Bible is being replicated in Yobe even now. The brutality of Saturday’s terror still plagues the mind; it has opened a sore. Little kids – 29 or 42 of them – slaughtered like sacrificial lambs. One goes weak in the knees, to even imagine that a fellow Nigerian like the any encountered daily on the road could go into a boarding school, set the hostel on fire and gun down the precious innocent kids who attempted to flee – all 29 or 42 of them. A Pinch… doesn’t know how or what to lament anymore. It’s the mothers of those little darlings that one groans in his spirit for. Those poor mothers who sent their babies to Government College, Mamudo to see them shaped into useful members of society but who will now only see shapes of their charred remains. What a loss for our country! May their souls find rest. May their murderers never see peace and may their own deaths be more cruel… and even that is not enough. Wicked clowns!
– Follow A Pinch… on Twitter: @stanleyazuakola