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Tijani Olumayowa: ASUU strike DAY 364 – The first lady’s dream


Tijani Olumayowa: ASUU strike DAY 364 – The first lady’s dream

Tijani Olumayowa


[This Piece is dedicated to My ASUU LOVE]

[Somewhere in Abuja, heavily guarded by Egyptian virgin soldiers and some inflated BMW armored vehicles, Mr. Presido stretches on his bed after being disturbed out of sleep by mixed sounds from royal drums and snoring wife]

“Oh, not again, why did this woman have to sleep in this room again today, I thought I told Caro to make sure she sleeps in  the first lady’s executive suite?”

[President Lucky Jonah Steps out to the executive sitting room and screams the name of the chief maid of the Asho Ville]

“Caro, Caro, Ca…”

“Your excellency Sir, good morning my Lord”

“What is good about the morning, I could only sleep for 12 hours, the snoring Madam kicked me out of sleep… despite all my instructions for you to keep her away…”

“I did as you requested sir, but Madam after sleeping for about 4 hours complained she was having nightmares and couldn’t sleep alone”

[As the heated discussion continued, Madam stepped in to save Caro]

“Lucky, how can you be so mean to the young lady, I had some troubling dreams and in your own interest, I had to come and sleep in the room with you”

“What kind of nightmares?… Caro, tell Ruby and Reno to prepare propaganda for all intending wahalas today, tell them to keep Marku out of it, I don’t want statements I can’t defend.”

[Presido turns to First Woman]

“Sit, lets talk about the nightmares, I know your dreams come to pass, so lets face this headlong.”

“I dreamt that this ASU people organized a 7-days fast and prayer tagged; “Operation Lucky must Fall”… after the fast and pray, all I saw was myself in dark shades with you in an Indian Mortuary, the worst part of it was that, we were not allowed to use a golden casket for you, due to the fact that you died in office, we were compelled to use one rickety Green white green casket for you.”

[Presido cuts in]

“God forbid…Amadioha forbids bad thing.”

“Exactly what I said, how can they use wooden casket to bury my husband, I suggested diamond casket in the dream, won’t my husband enjoy his money?”

“What are you saying, I am speaking of death, not casket, why are you particular about the casket?”

“My GCFR, I was just concerned, you know the story about, Abasha and wife, Baba Iyabor and wife, Yaradio and wife, now me and you…I think it tradition, one of us have to…”

[Presido cuts in]

“No, never, we must break the jinx, besides, if anyone has to go [God forbid], you know you are older now, it should be you”

“No, what kind of older is that, is it not just 26 days? Besides, during our traditional wedding I gave you 27days in form of kolanuts to indicate you are now older.”

“You have forgotten I didn’t collect it, you still remain older Mrs First woman”

 “Forget about that, the husband is always older, I think we should buy the casket beforehand o, like Biblical Patriarchs who bought the piece of land for their tombs beforehand, so them no go use one yeye national casket bury whoever the gods choose among us o”

[President Lucky stands up to prepare for the day as he heads for the bath tub]

“My GCFR, I think you should sack that Yeye Minister of Agriculture, na im dey explain to everybody for the dream say make we use Wooden Casket, he was just talking about green Nigeria and all those agricultural science story…you should sack him, he has eaten enough of the National Akara”

“I will think about it…”

[In a University in Oyo State, Students are surprisingly gathered en masse, some pregnant, some with babies and a few with newly acquired wedding rings… Aluta songs fill the air]

Solo: When I remember ASU strike, water runaway me eye

All: Away, away, water runaway me eye o

Solo: When I remember Lucky Jonah, water runaway me eye o

All: Away, away, water runaway me eye o

[Song continues as students converge at the Students Union Centre, to be addressed by the President, Omoba GCFR Aluta Forces]

“Of the greateeeeeeesttttttt Niiiinegeriann studennnnts”


“Greatest gbogbo, greatest gbagba, ever dynamic Nigerian studentssssssss”


“As we all know, this ASU strike has make[sic] a name for itself in our National history, as the longest strike actions [sic] ever”

[Students murmur underneath]


“See as Omoba just dey fire AK-47, him no fit make one correct sentence”

“No blame the guy, na ASU cause am”

“Oga shut up, na so all of una dey talk, Presido commit blunder, na ASU, Immaculate die na ASU, Lape get belle, na this same ASU…If person Papa die for 99years, una go still talk say na ASU kill am”

[After noticing the reasons for the distractions, Omoba try to cover up]

“You know English is not my Mother Tongues [sic], and we have something more important to attend to here. The council of Presidents have been consulting and we have concluded that students from all schools in Nigeria shall march on to Asho Ville tomorrow to air our grievances, interested student should write down their names with the PRO, we shall converge here tomorrow morning, buses will be here to take us to Abuja by 5am. We will be lodged at the NYSC Camp Abuja throughout our stay…let us tell them enough is enough, let us say no to bad governance, let us say no Jonah and his corrupt cabinet, Operation Lucky must fall”

[Singing Continues]

Loser o o o, loser, loser o o o, loser

Jonah you don lose o, loser,

Patapata you go lose forever, loser.

[Back at the Asho Ville, In an abridged version of the Federal Executive council meeting, Ruby rushed in, sweating profusely like a cup of chilled juice]

“Ruby what is wrong, why the rush, why are you sweating like a goat that drank hot water?”

“Excellency Sir, I have disturbing news sir”

“What is it, take it easy, have the anti-corruption committee set up to look into Stellar Odu’a car scam found anything leading to us?”

“No Sir”

[A Minister cuts in]

“They can’t find anything, we settled that in Jerusalem, Ruby talk what is it?”

[Ruby catches his breath and finally began to talk]

“The University students are the problem o, they are coming to Abuja to cause unrest and protest against your government Sir, its going to be a train of students across the Nation, they even tagged it Operation Lucky must fall”


[They hiss in Unison except the President who is now sweating unnoticed as he remembers Madam’s dream. National Security adviser speaks]

“Ruby you make me laugh sha, is that why you raised our blood pressure, what kind of unrest can this students cause that we have not seen before? Can they do better than Boko Haram, abeg lets us worry about 2015 joor”

[His excellency stood up abruptly, as he return into his chambers]

“This meeting is over, get me Dibia Afam, Pastor Orits the CAN President and Asho Chief Imam on separate lines now”

To be continued…The story Never ends…

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