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A Pinch: Aisha Buhari urges GEJ to sign anti-stalking #VAPP law to protect her husband from Diezani

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A Pinch: Aisha Buhari urges GEJ to sign anti-stalking #VAPP law to protect her husband from Diezani

By Stanley Azuakola

Aisha Buhari urges Jonathan to sign anti-stalking law

Aisha Buhari, the wife of Nigeria’s president-elect, is reportedly worried about the boldness and audacity of petroleum minister, Diezani Alison-Madueke, who publicly chased after her man on Friday at the airport of all places. She has consequently vowed to “show Diezani that she might not know how to shout or cry like Dame Jonathan but she will teach Diezani a lesson.”

Aisha has written to Pres. Jonathan, urging him to urgently sign the Violence Against Persons Prohibition (VAPP) bill which has been passed by both the Senate and House and is currently on Jonathan’s desk awaiting presidential assent.

According to sources, Aisha wrote a personal letter to Jonathan to “Please sign the bill because it contains a section against stalking which prescribes a two-year jail term for stalkers like Diezani. Don’t let that woman break my home, not now when I am so close to enjoying the fruit of my labour.”

It appears that even Patience Jonathan is supporting Aisha Buhari on this matter as she has always been worried that Diezani “used something to hook her husband that’s why he could not fire her since.”

Meanwhile sources within Diezani’s camp have told A Pinch that the minister has no intention of returning to Nigeria in the foreseeable future. According to an insider,” Madam is not even afraid of Buhari o. She can handle any man. It’s this Aisha that’s her problem. Ordinary chase that she chased her husband, Aisha is already threatening her with two years in jail. That woman will be worse than Dame Jonathan. Just watch out.”

Buhari announces role for Jonathan post-May29.

Pres-elect Buhari has announced that he will offer a role for Pres. Jonathan after the latter’s term expires on May 29.

“I know Jonathan says he wants to be peace Ambassador or something, he should forget that one, I have something better for him in line with his real ability,” Buhari said in an interview with Weekly Trust newspaper in Daura last week.

Buhari said: “I have my animals – the first cows elect – in Daura and they are very dear to me, will miss me and I came back to say goodbye to them.”

He said it was while tending to the cows that a thought occurred to him to help Pres. Jonathan use his qualifications as a zoologist to tend to the incoming First cows. “My cows have gone through a lot. In the campaign season they kept abusing them as my only investments since I left power. And now I will be leaving them. It would be a good thing if Pres. Jonathan can make himself useful to the incoming administration by tending and observing the issues going on with my animals while I am gone.” Buhari said that “In the new Nigeria, everyone should be able to contribute based on his area of expertise.”

The President-elect revealed that “although many people like Mallam El-Rufai kept telling me that Jonathan will milk all my cows dry; and my wife Aisha is scared that Patience Jonathan will share the bloods of my cows and use them for beef, but I still intend to trust Jonathan and allow him offer service to the fatherland.”

Crowned Clown of the Week (CeeCee)

A Pinch must confess that Gov. Rotimi Amaechi did a great job as DG of the Buhari campaign. He put in everything he had as he always does when he believes in a matter.

It’s sad though that the people of Rivers suffered as a result as their governor became an absentee leader since 2013 when the politics of the Governor’s Forum started.

Last week Amaechi took his ‘anyhowness’ a notch higher when he did two things.

First he gathered some of his fellow governors (most of whom are leaving office on May 29th), and they decided to select Gov. Abdulaziz Yari as new chairman of the Governor’s Forum. A Pinch cannot understand why leaving the decision of who leads the NGF to the incoming governors was too much for Amaechi and his cotravellers.

Of course, most of the incoming governors will kick against Yari’s election once they get in this week and would want a new election (already Governors Fayose and Dickson who will continue as Governors beyond May 29 have opposed it). So we will have another cycle of internal battle within the NGF, thanks to Amaechi’s obsessive desire to commit the same offence he constantly accuses Pres. Jonathan of.

As if that was not enough, Amaechi’s government spent billions conducting local government elections on Saturday with just five days left in his tenure. For years Rivers people have been begging the governor to hold elections but he chose to use caretaker committees which he constituted and reconstituted thrice in four years at his whim. But suddenly with five days to go, salaries and pensions being owed, and tension in the state, Amaechi felt the best way to spend limited funds was to hold a widely condemned election in which the APC won every seat on offer. So much for change!

For this utter lack of a sense of responsibility, Amaechi gets the CeeCee this week. Take a bow governor.

– Follow this writer on Twitter: @stanleyazuakola

A Pinch... is the zero award winning weekly news recap column, who is consistently accused of committing satire. People used to think it was A Pinch... who said "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you." It wasn't. A Pinch... is syndicated on The Guardian and YNaija. Follow A Pinch... on twitter @stanleyazuakola.

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